Outnumbered: How to parent multiple kids by yourself!
Ruth Grace Wong writes about solo parenting 3 under 5, and why it's worth doing regularly even in a multi-parent household.
My husband and I have a childcare schedule to which I attribute my sanity: I have the kids Monday and Wednesday evenings, and he has them Tuesday and Thursday evenings, so we both get two evenings off per week. We use our kid-free time to hang out with friends, go out for dinner, play video games, and other hobbies. I find that this time to myself helps preserve my self confidence and self identity. This also means that we're both pretty good at taking care of all 3 kids – boys age 4 and 2, and baby age 8 months - by ourselves. I often get asked how we do it. This is my write up. But first - our events round up!
Community events round up
Highlight: the new all-ages makerspace in Potrero Hill, Sequoia Fabrica, is having its grand opening this Saturday March 9th, from 11am to 2pm at 1736 18th Street! Sequoia Fabrica is a non-profit, volunteers-run, community workshop where children and people of all ages can learn and create alongside each other. Sequoia is designed to enable kids from a young age to learn alongside adults and each other how to build things - and offers classes as well as access to a woodshop, sewing studio, laser cutter, 3D printers and more. Several members have children (as young as six months!) and we'd love for you to come by and join us! Our dream is to make a place where both parents and kids can have hobbies. :)
Other events
Parents work while kids play at Manny’s, Thursdays 11-1pm.
Sequoia Fabrica is hosting crafts for families on March 9, 11-2pm.
Community rollerskating on Monday afternoons in Hayes Valley, 3-6pm
Intergenerational Zumbini (mini Zumba) at Mission Arts Center on Saturday April 13, 3-4.30pm.CCSF offers parenting classes five times a week. Just drop-in to enroll.
Natural resources hosts play afternoons on Fridays 3.30-5pm.
Parks and rec has events for young children every day in various parts of the city. Notably (and not mentioned online!) Eureka Valley rec center has a toddler playroom that is open Tuesday to Saturday 9am-6pm. Good for a rainy day!
Children’s Council playgroups are Tuesdays 10.45-11.45 at Dolores Park or online.
Join our Meetup group to get invitations to all our events!
Play time
When we are single parenting, we stick to fully enclosed playgrounds with gates. Most playgrounds fit this criteria with Dolores as the one glaring exception: The Hellen Diller playground there has two exits, and they are on different levels such that you can't see one exit from the other. We made this rule after one time when we were busy with the newborn, our 2 year old thought we had left the park and started walking home to find us. Luckily we were all wearing matching rainbow outfits and a kind couple spotted him as he got to the bottom of the hill on 19th street and found my husband who had run out to look for our kid. (Later we realized our 2 year old had a fever, which was probably why he was more easily confused than normal.)
Feeding multiple kids
I also have a habit of bringing around a lunch box of snacks, and sometimes sandwiches too if we are planning to stay out late. Here are some of my go to items
Capri-sun juice (my favorite juicebox design! minimizes spills and easy not to drink air)
Cheese string
Strawberries
Ham and cheese sandwich
Peanut butter & Jelly sandwich
Nutella sandwich
Crunchy sesame rolls ("Imperial rolls" from costco)
Mini snack packages like oreos, cheetos, goldfish, etc.
With a baby and older kids, in practice this looks like breast or bottle feeding the baby whenever she needs it, and using one hand to grab snacks for the older kids if they get hungry while you are feeding the baby. As baby gets older, I can give her bits of cheese string and berries and bread while the boys eat.
A note on bathrooms - sometimes it can be hard to go to a bathroom with multiple kids in tow. I used to carry a Oxo-tot fold up potty when we were potty training, but now I just carry around a few potty bags which my older kids - being boys - can pee in. I've seen other parents with special bottles that work for girls and boys in a pinch.
Sleep time with multiple kids
Our boys sleep in a room together in a bunk bed. Bedtime goes from about 7:30 to 8pm. Baby is put to bed before or after the boys depending on how tired she is. If we put her to bed after, she bounces in her jumper in the boys room while they get tucked in. Today I kept a baby mum mum in my hand and fed her bits of it whenever she squawked.
Tucking baby in
Change diaper
Sing a song
Put her in bed and pat her for a few minutes
"good night, i love you!"
At 2 months we did light sleep training with the baby for a week where we pat her to sleep in her crib instead of feeding or snuggling her to sleep, and now she knows the routine means it's time to sleep, and we can leave the room while she's still awake.
Tucking the boys in
Read books
Brush teeth - This is a best effort attempt. I am not actually brushing their teeth for 2 minutes.
"tactical wee" or change diaper
Sing song
Scratch their backs one by one
"good night, i love you"
Getting the boys to sleep in the same room (including getting them to have the same bedtime) was a big project, and we have our sleep coach Amanda to thank for helping us through that.
The hardest part
The hardest part of taking care of multiple kids is that if kids are upset, you have to triage and help them one at a time, and be OK with ignoring a little crying or whining sometimes. There's just one of you and so sometimes a kid has to wait a few minutes for comfort while you finish up something with another kid. And the best thing about taking care of multiple kids is hearing their funny conversations with each other, and seeing them play together and help each other out.
I hope this helps parents who are wondering about having multiple kids, or even just wondering about having drop-off playdates with their friends!
Until next time,
Ruth