How to drop the ball

There's a lot of parenting advice out there to do less, drop the ball, etc. so that we feel less stressed. But what does that actually mean??

Feb 26, 2026

In 2024, the surgeon general put out an Advisory about how parents’ mental health had become a crisis. I read the whole thing immediately and was pissed to find that his only advice was to do more self care, and learn more about mental health. No Dr. Fauci, I don’t want to do more things. I WANT TO DO LESS!

It’s always struck me how differently people can live. Some things that I thought every functioning adult human was supposed to do, some families just don’t do at all.1 And they are doing just fine! Similarly, there’s lots of habits I have that some of my friends are horrified about.2 So I wanted to write a not-so-serious post about all sorts of ways people are doing less.

Before we start: everyone has at least one thing that they hold sacred in their parenting. I care a lot about my kids having Cantonese exposure. Emeline cares about keeping her toddler sickness-free. When you get to your sacred subject in our list, you will be shocked at how other people are dropping the ball! It’s OK. Just move on to the next item. Each item is something that one of us or a real life friend actually does. We want to honor the wide spectrum of what different households can look like, and have fun doing it. :)

Community events round up

It’s been half a year since we wrote a new post for this “monthly” newsletter! Drop the ball? I don’t even know where the ball is. Here’s some events we like:

I’m hosting Mission families BBQ Sunday March 1st 3-6pm with some parent friends! Come through! We’ll have baby pen, toy trains, and giant bubbles. And meat & veggie burgers and hotdogs. The event is on rain or shine!
Mission families also have a weekly playground playdate at Jose Coronado playground 10:30am-12:30pm
Rec & Park has a dope mobile skateboarding and scootering event they do. Their helmets are a little big so if you are bringing a toddler you may want to bring your own helmet.
- 451 Berry St in Mission Bay 10am-4pm Feb 28th
- SOMA skate park 10am-4pm March 7th
- Potrero Del Sol 10am-4pm March 14th
- 900 Innes Ave in India Basin 10am-4pm March 21st
Check out your local library events
Concerts are back at the Bandshell in Golden Gate Park from March 1st. Which I guess means it’s almost Spring already!

How to drop the ball in all aspects of parenting life

For everything from managing family pictures to screen time, let’s see how different families do it but in MEME FORM.3 Let’s go!

PHOTOS

tired: Archival is an artform. Scrapbooking, Polaroids, saving up those Shutterfly credits.

wired: Sometimes remember to put photos in the family group chat. There’s twice as many photos of the first child than the other children.

inspired: JuSt UsE AI. Trying not to think too much of that dad that was banned from Google products for life for taking a pic of his kid’s crotch rash for the doctor.4 The Grandparent Deal is that access to the automatically-updated kids photo album is contingent upon NOT CRITICIZING OUR PARENTING BASED ON PHOTOS please and thank you.

HOLIDAYS

tired: Handmaking halloween costumes. Seasonal home decor (and requisite decor storage solutions).

wired: Panic buying stuff on Amazon last minute for the school holiday event the kids just reminded you about.

inspired: It’s March and the neighbors are wondering if they should call the cops to do a wellness check ‘cause your Christmas tree is still up and maybe you died. Don’t worry neighbors, it will be Christmas again soon.

GEAR

tired: Bought glass baby bottles after reading about the toxin-free first year of life. Hours of research to decide on the right carseat. So. Many. Spreadsheets.

wired: Cribbing off friends’ research to get product recommendations. Threw out your fav black spatula last year and regretted it.

inspired: If it’s not AT LEAST half price on FB marketplace, you don’t want it! Bought a second lot of used hotwheels ‘cause the kids were fighting over them and you’re not the goddamn sharing police. Oh yeah, and glass cups have gone extinct. You only have plastic now.

FOOD

tired: Organic, purees, no processed sugars, cooking every day. Bookmarked recipes for cakes secretly made out of vegetables for the kids’ birthdays.

wired: Meal prepping a couple times a week to save time. For some reason ads for those souper cube freezer trays keep popping up on the socials.

inspired: Frozen meal connoisseur. Sandwiches, box mac n cheese, ramen (microwaved with toppings ofc) are also in rotation. Breakfast is Eggo waffles eaten en route to school. Hey, not knowing how to cook doesn’t mean not knowing how to eat!

LAUNDRY

tired: Dirty laundry is sorted by color. The folding and sorting feels endless but it’s kinda meditative. Is this self-care?

wired: Saw a no-fold clothes system on Pinterest based on the Ikea Trofast bin and never looked back. Just sort and toss in!

inspired: All clothes are knits except for a few pieces hanging in the closet. Yup, some of the white clothes are a little pink now because of the red bedsheets5, but who has time for color sorting? Husband is wearing whatever socks he grabbed from the bin - one white, one black. He’s a rationalist, I guess.

LANGUAGE IMMERSION

tired: Strict with the kids about replying in the same language they’re spoken to. Trekking across the city for language-specific playdates. So many hand me downs from your friends that moved back home. (why are they leaving? this country is great!)

wired: Ranked all the language immersion schools nearby on the SFUSD lottery application. Why not? It’s free! Maybe you can take a free CCSF class and learn with them. (who are you kidding, you give up as soon as the kids complain about how bad your accent is)

inspired: Kids want to play iPad or watch TV? OK, but it’s in Spanish.

CLEANING

tired: Deep cleaning the house regularly like it’s the 70s. Giving your friends complexes by apologizing for the mess when they visit.

wired: Cleaning only when you psychologically cannot stand the mess, and then furiously tidying one room and hiding out in there to clear your mind. Explaining to your mom that having a messy house as a parent is progressive, actually.

inspired: Avoid getting sucked into tidying during the day by working out of the home. Friends find themselves compulsively Lysol wiping parts of your house when they visit. Win-win, right?!

SCREEN TIME

tired: Listening to the Anxious Generation audiobook during your commute. No screens for your kids. Trying to convince them to play hide and seek so you can find somewhere to lie tf down.

wired: Screen time settings limit kids’ access to videos on their tablet. When their video time is up they have a choice between Duolingo ABC, Endless Alphabet, and Teach Your Monster To Read.6 The one year old keeps trying to poke people in the eye and you had no idea why until you saw them playing Endless Numbers.

inspired: Turning on the TV when the kids wake you up on the weekend so you can crawl back into bed. The teacher compliments your kid’s numeracy skills and you don’t mention it’s because he watched so much Number Blocks. The kids have the iPad password memorized and the password is your phone number.

SCHEDULE

tired: Outside of childcare hours, all household adults spend all their time with the kids. Warning friends that actually having two kids is more than twice as hard as one. Gave all the hobby supplies away because what’s the point. :’(

wired: You’ve no idea what the kid activities are tonight because it’s your partner’s turn! Turns out you don’t have to be divorced to co-parent. Having side projects is great. Sure is hard to find time with your partner though…

inspired: Life is short. That’s what multitasking is for. Friend wants to hang out? Sure, they are invited to work with you at the coworking space! Or meet you at the playground after. Getting all chores done while you take care of the kids so that free time is all yours. Except when they make messes faster than you can clean. At least your Focusmate thinks it’s funny.

DISTRIBUTING CHORES

tired: One person in the household has a stricter standard for chores and … does all the chores. You got a cleaning robot and now it’s nagging you with push notifications.

wired: The law was laid down and the chores were distributed. Other family members are mostly doing their assigned tasks, given enough reminders. Partner swears to you that how good they are at remembering to do chores is not at all correlated with how much they love you.

inspired: Implementing the Fair Play system where adults in the household hold chore cards and are responsible for conception, execution, and planning. And if one person needs reminders to organize their time to get their chores done, the other person can provide those reminders a few times a week… in exchange for some chore cards. It’s still a struggle though and sometimes you’re pretty sure that the correct solution is to go back in time and marry someone else.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

tired: Everyone gets a bath every day.

wired: Babies don’t really get that dirty, you can get away with bathing them like once or twice a week.

inspired: Dry shampoo and mint gum are on Subscribe and Save so you can cosplay as a clean person

ILLNESSES

tired: You’re a pro at disinfecting techniques and tools. Doorknobs are covered with copper tape.

wired: Outdoor preschool so they don’t bring microbes home in the first place.

inspired: Just give up. With multiple kids going to school there’s probably only one week a month where no one in the family is sick. Taking random immune supplements to try to get a boost. Where are the scientists and startups on this??!?

DENTAL HYGIENE

tired: One of the few people in the world that know how to floss a toddler

wired: Wait, flossing doesn’t reduce cavities? Good thing I haven’t been bothering.

inspired: The baby teeth are like, practice teeth, right?